As America and the world struggle with the corona virus pandemic, it may be inappropriate for the Catholic Wise Guy to address another pandemic that has been spreading across America (and elsewhere) the past several years.
But the Catholic Wise Guy, who sometimes rushes in where angels fear to tread, believes the American people can address more than one serious issue at a time.
After much research, scientists have determined that this pandemic is a malfunctioning of the mind, not the body. This is a thinking pandemic, a political pandemic, a psychological pandemic. It is commonly called the Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).
That the TDS is present in wide segments of America is well-documented and indisputable. Cases are also popping up across the world.
Some psychologists and psychiatrists have classified the TDS as a type of psychosis, but this view has not been formally accepted by the American Psychological Association or the American Psychiatric Association.
Characteristics of the TDS include a visceral hatred of anything said or done by President Trump. An otherwise rational person experiences a severe decline in intellectual capability when the subject of Trump arises. Blood pressure rises, critical brain synapses misfire, and the capacity for rational thought becomes severely compromised, if not impossible.
Scientists have tentatively concluded that TDS affects all demographic groups. One puzzling finding is that those who have completed the most formal education experience higher levels of this psychosis. An unpleasant characteristic of this psychosis is that many who experience it lash out viciously at the unaffected, calling them names such as “deplorable,” “fascist,” “racist,” “moron,” and “redneck.” This language further poisons the already polluted American political waters.
Based on the principles of social distancing used during the corona virus lockdown, our experts have developed recommendations to limit the spread of this psychosis. We know that word-of-mouth, word-in-print, and word-in-media are the normal means of TDS transmission. Instead of a mask, the individual must wear ear plugs when out in the public. He must social distance from most print and media sources and avoid at all costs certain TV networks and websites. Stay away from friends or family that have contracted TDS. In this critical time, your health is more important than any relationship. If you must interact with the infected, wear your ear plugs and maintain your social distance.
Researchers have developed two promising treatments – one for mild cases and one for those severely affected.
For the mild cases, the treatment is relatively inexpensive, and insurance companies are already on board, probably seeking to avoid the significantly higher cost of the treatment for those suffering badly from TDS. Even for the mild cases, our mental health experts recommend an inpatient setting. The patient must be protected from the poisonous political influences of the world.
The two-week Rational Reorientation Plan (RRP) has proven highly effective in restoring clear thinking to moderate cases of TDS. The daily routine consists of listening to lectures (primarily via video), reading books, and sharing in a group setting. The content is from a wide variety of thinkers across many countries and time periods. Many are religious but not all. They all share a realistic rational approach to life and politics. They understand the limitations of man as a fallen creature, capable of both good and evil. They all believe in clear thinking, which means unemotional thinking – learning to assess people and ideas in an unbiased manner. Of course, for the average human being this can be difficult, especially if the topic is politics or religion. The RRP has proven successful in getting those derailed by TDS back on track.
Debilitating cases of TDS have proven a tougher nut to crack. A treatment currently in clinical testing has shown promise. Scientists understand that a mental condition may be related to underlying physical problems of the body. For TDS, they have experimented with increasing the oxygen supply to the brain.
Due to the emphasis on producing ventilators in the early phases of the Corona Virus Pandemic, the United States now has an abundance of ventilators. One enterprising bioengineer obtained several ventilators and has ingenuously redesigned them to redirect the flow of oxygen from the lungs to the brain.
Severe TDS patients have been hooked up to them for several days, and the results have been promising.
I pray that the clinical trials validate this treatment. What a relief it would be to all those suffering badly from TDS! And to their families!