A Special Performance Review
Dr. Bill sat down wearily in the chair at Starbucks with his grande decaf in front of him. Black with one Stevia. I was part-way through my half-caf, which included a good dose of half-and-half and three Stevia. “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Principal wouldn’t let me out of school.”
“Have you been a bad boy again?” I joked. Dr. Bill taught English at a nearby Catholic High School.
Dr. Bill smiled. “I had my Annual Performance Review,” he said and sipped his coffee.
“And you passed with flying colors?”
Dr. Bill smiled. “Our esteemed leader again praised my teaching skills. After all I have received a couple of teaching awards, though not lately.” He paused and looked around the crowded Starbucks. “Once again he cautioned me about pushing my conservative Catholic agenda in the classroom.” Bill put finger quotes around the last section of his statement. He shook his head and half-smiled. As usual his hair wasn’t neatly combed. “Didn’t realize I had an ‘agenda.’”
“One could argue Catholic teachers are supposed to be pushing a Catholic agenda.”
“One could argue that.”
“Let’s not get started,” I said. Our previous discussions on non-Catholic thinking creeping into Catholic schools had been frustrating. And probably not fruitful.
“Let’s change gears.”
“Yes, let’s.”
“As I was pondering my upcoming APR this week, I wondered how the Pope does with his APR.”
“The Pope?” I was surprised by Dr. Bill’s statement; he knew more about the Catholic Church than I did. I was a convert trying to come up to speed.
“But the Pope doesn’t report – “
Bill waved his hand. “I know, I know. The Pope doesn’t report to anyone but God.”
“So, how could the Pope have an APR?”
“I’ll tell you – it came to me in the middle of a restless night. Not sure if I was awake or dreaming but I saw it.”
I waited, glancing around the room, hoping no one was listening too closely to our conversation. Both the doctor and I leaned forward.
“Yes, the Pope reports only to God. And I imagine that once a year Jesus calls him to the confessional for his APR. It’s A Special Performance Review.”
I laughed, Bill could be clever and imaginative – he was a literary man after all. “Interesting idea, very interesting idea. Keep going.”
“So, Francis sits in the confessional as instructed.” Bill finished his coffee – he was just getting warmed up. “Here’s what I see. The Holy Father is tired, his feet are sore. He is ready for bed. This has been another day with too many meetings and too many decisions. Too many decisions where he felt he didn’t know the full picture but he was the Pope and had to decide and look like he knew the answer and so he decided. People forgot he was an old man, but he hadn’t forgotten. Many days he wished he were retired back in Argentina, living a simple holy life, and serving as a wise advisor to church leaders and a friend to the poor. But the Lord had put him here and Francis was above all obedient.
He sits patiently in the confessional, waiting for the Lord. Francis has become ambivalent about these Annual Performance Reviews. On the plus side, these were the only times he had a direct encounter with the Lord and the peace emanating from the Lord’s presence was powerful and relaxing. He wished he could live in that peace the rest of his life. But sometimes the Lord criticized him and that hurt. Bill is speaking softly now, almost a whisper. I leaned towards him. “Finally,” Bill says, “the Lord comes and begins speaking.”
“Audibly?”
“You fill in the details. Here’s what I hear. The Lord sighs deeply and says ‘My special blessing rests upon you, Francis. May you receive it with full confidence.’”
“Yes, Lord, yes.”
‘And I bless all my priests across the world. All of them, the good and the bad. I bless them all. Pass this on, Jorge, pass this on. It is important. Especially for the bad ones.’”
“‘Yes, Lord.’”
“‘Jorge, Jorge,’” the Lord said. “Sometimes you speak as if you doubt me. And doubt the Gospel, My Gospel. I know your belief is strong, but you are allowing the world to censor you. Where is your confidence, your enthusiasm? I read your writings and listen to your speeches and your interviews. You do not talk enough about me and the Holy Word of God. Are you ashamed of me? Ashamed of the Good News? Remember what your brother Paul wrote, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel. It is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes –“
Francis adds, “‘for Jew first, and then Greek.’”
“Good, Francis, good.” The Lord paused and the peace flowing from His presence rolled over Francis and he felt pure joy.
Then the Lord added, “And remember what I said, ‘Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father.’”
The Lord paused and Francis finished the verse. “But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.’”
“My Church, Francis, is not, not a government agency. Nor is it part of the United Nations. You are to reflect my light to the nations. They do not have the light – you have the light. I know you believe I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Show the world you believe it. Do not hide my Light under a bushel basket of pleasing 21st century platitudes.” The Lord paused, staring intently at his Peter. “Jorge, I love your concern for the poor, but do not let that lead you to admiration or support for Communism and its deadly stepchildren. I remind you – these systems are from the Evil One. I have seen too many of my priests and faithful wander into this darkness and lose their souls. And wreak havoc in the world.”
“I am concerned, Jorge, that you are downplaying and sometimes ignoring, the ‘hard teachings’ of my Church. I realize you are taking a pastoral approach. But tread carefully here. Don’t allow the world to silence you. Don’t let the culture cancel you.’” The Lord paused and again Francis felt a wave of peace. Then the Lord continued. “Here is the truth about the bodies I have given my people. ‘God created mankind in his image…male and female he created them…And a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh.’ This is the truth. Do not complicate it. These hard teachings are not, not penance for my people. They are not roadblocks to happiness. No. They are gateways of grace – they open the way to happiness in this life and the next.”
“Your flaw, Jorge – and all my Peters have had flaws – your flaw is you spend too much time, too much energy trying to please the world. I appreciate that you do not seek the pleasures of this world, that you do not stain my Name and my Church with sensual pleasure and debase your sacred office. Yes, Jorge, that is good, that is good. But don’t worry about pleasing the world, your job is to please me. Your job is not to save the world. I have already done that.”
“Francis, Francis, I peer into your heart and see confusion. Confusion in the heart of my Peter troubles me. You must confirm the brethren. Go look at your job description – that is the heart of it – confirm the brethren. Strengthen your brothers. If you are confused and doubting, what do you think happens to my Church? You must be a rock, not a castle of sand. Sometimes, dear Jorge, sometimes- “ the Lord paused and breathed deeply.
Francis waited and waited. Growing impatient, he said, “Lord?”
“Sometimes, Jorge, I see you as Thomas, not as Peter. Do not be my doubting Thomas, Jorge. Be my Peter, be the rock for my Church.”
And then the Lord was gone. Francis sat quietly. He pulled himself up and walked quietly to bed.